I’m Going to Suck

I’ve wanted to be a fiction author for a long time. I took writing classes in middle school in which I started (but never finished) all manner of fantasy novels. As a child, my favorite books were The Chronicles of Narnia and The Lord of the Rings and as an adult, I love The Wheel of Time, The Dark Tower, and A Song of Fire and Ice. I am amazed by authors who are able to create such complex worlds and I would love to have that type of impact on someone someday… but I’ve never really started.

There are many reasons that I have not written a novel (yet?), but I am having trouble convincing myself that the reasons are good reasons. As cliche as it is, I am afraid that what I write will be bad or hated or whatever. But I also know that it absolutely will be bad, at least in the beginning, and that’s okay.

I recently read “Rocannon’s World” by Ursula Le Guin. Even if you are familiar with Le Guin you probably have never heard of “Rocannon’s World”. Le Guin is a fantastic author but this novel is really not that good. It was her first novel and it is mediocre, at best. It was the first place that the word “ansible” was used for faster-than-light communication, but that is really all it contributed to science fiction. I have a tendency to not only compare myself to the best, but compare myself to the best works of the best. I read books like The Dark Tower series and am in awe, but I forget that King’s magnum opus is the result of over 40 years of professional writing, 22 years of writing on that series, and thousands upon thousands of hours of practice. Even if I have a smidge of writing talent I have not put in the hours necessary. So yes, my writing will be bad. As Macklemore says:

The Greats aren’t great because at birth they could paint
The Greats are great because they paint a lot

Practice, practice, practice… but I don’t practice, I want the stories swirling in my head to magically appear on paper. I wait for the perfect sunny day where I have the right amount of creative energy to even sit at my computer to write. And because of that, my stories may go untold.

So, is this blog post just a wordy recommitment to writing?

Not really.

I’ve done that before. For some people it helps to make public statements, but not for me. When I make a public statement it tends to destroy my motivation. I feel like talking about creating is enough, that it is an appropriate substitute for actual creation.

I want to be a writer. I want to tell my stories. I want the world’s that swirl around in my head to be made real. And to do that I need to have perspective. My first novel won’t be a best-seller, I’m not Patrick Rothfuss and that’s okay. I’d be fulfilled if I could just tell my tales, and if 2018 is about anything for me it is about seeking fulfillment. 2017 was happiness and stability, but happiness and stability aren’t the end goals of life and I hope I can move beyond them.

If you have a question or comment feel free to use the links below. There is literally nothing that is off-limits. You can also email me if you want a personal response and I won’t post anything publicly if you want privacy.

Sarahah: pneiger.sarahah.com
SurveyMonkey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XYRDXHH
Email: pjneiger@gmail.com

Oh, and if you get some value out of this I’m always accepting tips and my book is available via the Amazon link below on Kindle and paperback.
Book: http://amzn.to/2f2tkYi

PayPal: pjneiger@gmail.com
Bitcoin Wallet: 3BZQcA31awrYj7LAXmMY5armp5s1T2gpsL
Ethereum Wallet: 0x05F040cd6FB61377c375d487A37229359Dd6D976

Leave a Reply