“Although creativity is spontaneous in nature, it requires a certain passion for life. A willingness to express, to share, to update, or resolve in some way. Our role in it all is to simply guide this passion.” – Today’s Daily Meditation at Headspace
I have never been a particularly passionate or creative person. Until this morning, I really never hypothesized that the two were related. As I talked about nearly two years ago at my old blog, I have never really had a strong passion for my partner, and I’ve never really had it for a goal or field or whatever. When I discover someone or something new I get the lustful, excited new relationship energy, but I wouldn’t describe that as passion any more than I’d describe a drunken anonymous handjob as sensually making love.
Similarly (apparently), I have never been a particularly creative person. I’ve desired creativity but it never seems to come to me. But, then again, I have never really tried. I give up quickly on writing and music and art. Of course, saying that I’m not a creative person is a nothing but a cop-out. The truth is, I have never created great works of creativity because I haven’t tried. And I haven’t tried because the comfort from apathy has been stronger than the discomfort from shame at a life not fully lived.
What I disagree with about the above quote is that I have a strong willingness to express, share, and update. Probably more so than people are comfortable with in many cases. My sexual orientation, relationship orientation, religious and political views have all caused family and friends to cut me out of their lives. I’ve proudly hoisted my freak flag to the top of the hill and wave it around, but creativity hasn’t seemed to flood my life. Or maybe I just don’t understand the quote properly…
Hmm, as I give this more thought I think maybe I’m not really giving myself enough credit for creativity. In some ways, I think I am pretty creative but the problem comes when I try to articulate that creativity. I have entire fantasy worlds in my head that I’d like to create but when I stare at a blank Word doc I can’t seem to produce anything. Again, this is related more to a lack of really trying than anything.
But how does passion play into this?
I guess the one thing I’ve grown passionate about in my life is helping people with sex and death. I can’t see a way in which that has really sparked creativity though. Is there something “wrong” with me? Maybe the bupropian and CBT will show some results in this area as well as help me with my anxiety and productivity (quick update: the last month has been baller for me and I’m excited to talk to my therapist tomorrow). Or maybe I need to get over my ego and fears and do the Deep Work where I guide the spontaneous creativity into something productive.
Who knows? Like everything else in life, I have no damn clue.
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Also, I wrote a book about a cross-country bicycle ride I did!
“Wandering Oak: A Rite of Passage”