For years now I have told myself and others that I was a writer and I wanted to make a career out of that. The potential to craft stories and worlds that impact people the way Tolkien and King and Lewis impacted me. Universes swirl around in my head that touch on our reality and inspire me in my day-to-day life.
But I haven’t written a damn word* (So, dear blog reader, this change will actually have zero impact on you because I haven’t actually shared anything as a writer)
It isn’t simply writer’s block or not knowing what I should do. The truth is, it isn’t really important to me at this point in my life. That is a truth that has been difficult for me to admit and accept. I have wrapped my identity around being a (future) writer so much that it has lead to stress and anxiety and heartbreak.
So, I’m putting down the pen (err… keyboard) and am no longer going to view writing as a career I strive for. I am still going to blog daily (mostly) because I really enjoy this format for spewing my thoughts out into the ether. I get a lot of joy out of blogging and sharing, it usually comes naturally even on the days when I’m just keeping the habit alive. I never felt that with my fiction writing. The truth is, I think the world’s in my mind are better suited for a video game or D&D style RPG or something.
Regardless, there is a stinging bitter relief that comes from laying down this burden. I have known for quite a while that I need to let this go and I’m finally ready. Maybe someday in the future, I will find myself longing to write a novel or short story or something but for now, I am going to focus on other things.
I don’t know what will take writing’s place in my headspace. I don’t know what costume I will wear instead of “writer”. I still lack a truly artistic outlet and maybe this is a chance to explore dance or painting or drawing or photography or music. I am also starting massage therapy school in a few months and am going to an end-of-life doula training session next month, so those experiences may provide me with some guidance.
There is a whole world out there for me to explore and I realize I had chained myself to an identity that does not serve me at this point. Maybe it will in the future, maybe it won’t, but I’m glad I mustered the strength to cast off a piece of myself that has caused me more suffering in the past few years than pleasure.
* Except for a memoir about my bike ride, but that isn’t really what I think about when I envision myself as a writer.
Wanna stay in touch? Got a question for me? Want to tell me why I’m wrong and are curious how I got everything so backward? Have an idea for a blog post? Drunk and wanna send me a snapchat? Wanna become penpals and send each other letters in the mail about life in general?
Feel free to reach out at any of the ways below while I take a Facebook break!
Email address: firstname.lastname@example.org
Questions: pneiger.sarahah.com or www.surveymonkey.com/r/XYRDXHH
Also, I wrote a book about a cross-country bicycle ride I did!
“Wandering Oak: A Rite of Passage”