Sleep

I can tell the quality of my day by my desires when I lay down to sleep. If I curl up in bed and want to just put on the sleeping meditation track on Headspace then I know it was a productive day. I have no regrets, my mind and body are at ease, I am ready to sleep and wake renewed for the next day. The warmth of bed helps my drift into slumberland and my conscience is clear, and the sleep is good. After eight hours I wake up slightly before my 6 am alarm and I’m ready to tackle the day.

But, if my day was wasted then my nighttime routine is different. I lay in bed and crave a podcast or audiobook instead of meditation and rest. My subconscious recognizes that I wasted the day, that I didn’t live up to my potential. Those missed opportunities drift around my mind and I grasp at any last thing I can to feel productive. Listening to something makes me feel like I am lengthening the day and making the most of it, but what I’m really doing is trying to make up for lost time… an impossible task. On nights like this I wake up throughout the night, sleep is difficult, and I wake without rest.

It becomes a cycle. Good days lead to good nights lead to good mornings. Bad days lead to bad nights lead to bad mornings. Soon, one day becomes one week becomes one month and breaking the cycle becomes more difficult. And before I know it, it has been six weeks since I went to the gym, a month since I study or practiced a foreign language or blogged. But when the cycle reverses itself the momentum is addicting. My good mornings lead to good days and I accomplish all I want and more.

I think tonight will be a good night, the second one in a row. I’ve worked hard, exercised, bonded, produced, and consumed. My mind will rest easy that I had a good day and tomorrow the beautiful cycle will start again.

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