This post is a response to anonymous questions and comments I receive via SurveyMonkey (www.surveymonkey.com/r/XYRDXHH) or from private messages. I love responding to these, so if there is something on your mind, good or bad, please send me a message. No subject is off limits and here is a link to previous questions or comments I’ve received and responded to.
Are there ever couples you come upon that you are interested in learning more about their sex lives together and offer advice to them if they are struggling? You seem to be very knowledgeable about pleasuring a person so just wondering!
Sure! I am basically curious about every couple I come across because I find sex to be an incredibly intellectually stimulating subject. One of the major takeaways from my experiences in the Orgy Dome* at Burning Man, my few threesomes, and having same-room sex with other couples is that the interaction between two (or more) people is unique to them. The basics are generally the same, but there is such variation and nuance in the details. What gives us pleasure and how our bodies respond to pleasure can vary widely between individuals and even within the same individual depending on who or what is giving the pleasure. It is so fucking fascinating. I’d say that 85% of my interest in seeing someone naked or watching them have sex is intellectual curiosity and 15% is erotic (with some probable variation depending on the individuals and situation, set and setting matters).
Now, do I offer advice to them if their struggling? I’m willing to but that hasn’t really come up before with couples. I have had lots of individuals privately message me asking for advice on a wide range of sex and relationship issues, everything from how to open a relationship up to pregnancy/STI risk, to how to communicate kinks with a partner. But I haven’t had a complete partnership share their views and ask for my perspective, I would love it that happened though.
One of the few “dream jobs” I have is to be a sex therapist, particularly one that focuses on LGBT, sexually open, polyamorous, and kinky relationships. A driving force behind me trying to pay off my student loans is so that I can investigate that as an actual reality instead of it just being a dream. I guess my “dreamy McDreamy job” is actually being a sex and relationship therapist that uses MDMA to assist people, and who knows, maybe with the help of MAPS that could be a possibility in the relatively near future.
Anyway, as for being knowledgeable about pleasuring people, I would say I’m fairly knowledgeable but that comes with a pretty big caveat. I’ve read more than my fair share of books on sexuality and sex, and I’ve had my fair share of sexual partners (and, more importantly, sexual partners who wanted more than a one-night stand), but every body and mind is different. Certain oral techniques may work for one person but be uncomfortable for others, some people need certain aftercare while others don’t. I can certainly give some general advice for things that seem to work consistently for me, but sometimes there is trial and error involved and a shit ton of communication. Really, communication and experimentation is the key, even experimenting with things that are not particularly appealing in your mind can open you up to experiences that become favorites.
At least that has been my experience 🙂 If you (or anyone) particularly have questions specific to your situation feel free to send me another anonymous message or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I certainly will not post a blog post that discusses details if you’d rather that remain private.