It still amazes me how easily and consistently I ignore advice even when it is repeated from multiple sources over and over again. For example, as I struggle to grow and reach my potential there are two pieces of advice that have come up time and time again in books and conversations: block off time for only your craft and find a mentor.
Yet, I continue to ignore that or procrastinate it or justify not doing it or fill my time with filler work that isn’t truly important. I’ve never been good at taking other people’s advice or learning from their mistakes, I always seem to learn the hard way (cue: dcTalk). Instead of blocking off significant time to write daily I just pump out a blog post and call myself a “writer”. I know I should be spending 4 hours a day staring at a screen, showing up consistently so that the mighty Muses will know where to find me, I know what I should do, I know I have the ability to do it, but yet I neglect it. Part of me is scared… scared the inspiration will never come, scared that art is beyond me, scared that the time will be wasted… so instead I guarantee that inspiration won’t come on my own terms, I stay firmly planted away from frontiers of my own mind and potential, I waste the time myself.
Similarly, I avoid looking for a mentor. Part of it is a genuine ignorance to where to look. How do I find someone to keep me accountable? I’ve never really had mentors in my life. I love my father, he is a great man, but our lives are so different that he can’t really provide guidance. The relationships I’ve had with religious leaders have been primarily harmful to my development and I’ve never been involved in sports. I had an Army sergeant that was a bit of a mentor, as well as a college professor but it would feel so strange to reach out to them and I don’t think they have the skills to help. I guess I could pay for a life coach… but that feels weird in a way, I’m not sure why. Maybe that old adage “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear” is true and I’m not ready (but how do I get ready), or maybe that statement is spiritual nonsense.
I wish I could say this blog post is a recommitment to fixing my problems, but it really isn’t. It is simply me doing some introspection and voicing my frustrations. Maybe someone out there has advice? It is rare that I open myself up for advice* in a broad way like this, but feel free to email me (firstname.lastname@example.org) or send a message to my SurveyMonkey (https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/XYRDXHH). Blargh.
*I actually loathe people who offer unsolicited advice. It is one of my only pet peeves.