Yesterday

Sometimes, the most difficult thing for me to do is let go of yesterday. I know that yesterday is gone and shouldn’t determine what I do today, but it is difficult sometimes. All the mindfulness meditation and Stoic philosophy¬†that I absorb points to living in the moment and not allowing my mind to be bogged down with things that are outside of my control (and is there anything more outside my control than the past?), but I can’t help it sometimes. Yesterday can become a weight that seems to drag me down a predetermined path, destroying my productivity and making me feel like a failure.

This weight upon today usually takes one of two forms. The first seems positive, but that is deceptive. Whenever yesterday was good and productive I tend to justify taking today off. Maybe I got a lot of work done, cleaned the house, went for a run, spent an hour doing yoga, and did some reading. Maybe I also avoided bad things like Facebook, sugar, alcohol, and weed. A perfect yesterday is a fertile ground for an imperfect today. That shouldn’t be the case, the good I did yesterday does not excuse doing bad today.

The other form is when I have a bad yesterday. Maybe I slept in, skipped the gym, didn’t do any writing, and ate a bunch of garbage. That bad day becomes a momentum killer. Undoubtedly, when I skip one workout it quickly leads to skipping two, then three, then ten. A bad day becomes a rut that drags me down, particularly if there are not any immediate negative consequences. That is the worst scenario, when nothing really bad comes of my slacking. Maybe I don’t work out and eat garbage but don’t gain any weight. Or maybe I don’t meditate but I still feel mentally strong. It becomes easy for me to think, “Well, nothing bad happened yesterday so why should I put in the effort today?” That mindset leads to failure and destruction.

I don’t know what to do about these traps. Every morning is a struggle to develop good habits and accomplish things. My passion to create and the satisfaction I get from having a good, productive day are always at odds with the evolved drive to do as little as possible. Procrastination, slacking off, and being lazy are in our genes, it is one of the features that allowed our species to thrive. But, like many (most?) of the traits that took us out of the trees, they aren’t necessarily good in today’s world. IN fact, they may be harmful.

So, I struggle on. Each morning requires a refocus and hard work, and it requires forgiving myself for bad yesterdays and suppressing my ego after good yesterdays.